I'm going to jail i love you
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
