wakey wakey hands off snakey
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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