Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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