I think my vagina is haunted
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
