and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
