I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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