at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
