where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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