I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
