Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
