He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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