pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
