I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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