My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
