it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
