farters have to be the big spoon...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
