k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
