I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize