im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
