GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
