Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
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I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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