sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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