Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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