When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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