idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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