So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
