All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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