Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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