You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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