she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
