Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
