Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it hurts more in the daytime
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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