Can i not drive my cunt home
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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