I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
