I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
