I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
