the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
