I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
