i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.