you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
