I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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