I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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