i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
