Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
