I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
