there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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