I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
