Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize