I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
