come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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