fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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