I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
