Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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