She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
