New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
