You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
