my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
