only you would photoshop your dick
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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