I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
