there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
