I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
