just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
