I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
