Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
