I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i came on her dog
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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