I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
