just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
