I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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