i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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