No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
