Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
