I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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