Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
