I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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